Native Son #10

"But what was he after? What did he want? What did he love and what did he hate? He did not know. There was something he knew and something he felt; something the world gave him and something he himself had; something spread out in front of him and something spread out in back' and never in all his life, with this black skin of his, had the two worlds, thought and feeling, will and mind, aspiration and satisfaction, been together; never had he felt a sense of wholeness" (Wright 240). Bigger's whole life had been like that of all other blacks. Routine, meaningless, oppressed. He had become used to doing the same the over and over, hanging out, drinking, playing pool with his friends and staying out of any kind of spotlight. At the same time, Bigger knew deep down inside that this attention and spotlight was in fact what he was craving. He had craved the need to feel complete, like he had done something in his life in order to get his name known. Killing Mary was his way of achieving this fame and although he wanted to get away with it, he felt as though he needed to tell people so they knew that despite his black skin he was capable of doing something notable.