Native Son #5

"He was confident. During the last day and night new fears had come, but new feelings had helped to allay those fears. The moment when he had stood above Mary's bed and found that she was dead the fear of electrocution had entered his flesh and blood. But at home at the breakfast table with his mother and sister and brother, seeing how blind they were; and overhearing Peggy and Mrs. Dalton talking in the kitchen, a new feeling had been born in him, a feeling that all but blotted out the fear of death" (Wright 149). At first, when realizing what he had done, he had expected nothing less than being caught and killed for it. He had killed, not just anyone, but a white girl. He was officially afraid, afraid of what the white force was capable of doing to him. As time passed and he realized that no one else knew, and it was simply his little secret, he began feeling more and more powerful. He was not used to having control over anything or being able to truly live, therefore he had never experienced how it felt to hold a secret to himself. Now that he felt like this, powerful and more free than ever, he loved it. Every trace of fear of the whites had vanished. By killing Mary, and realizing he was capable of getting away with it, he had gotten revenge on all whites that suppressed him over the years and freed himself from the boundaries they had made him feel tied down by. He loved this feeling and planned on going with it for as long as possible.